little fish

The 2 of you who read my blog on a normal basis know that I had an audition this weekend. Not only was it my first audition in a long time, it was my first audition. Yep, as much as I love drama and acting I have never had to audition for anything in my life.

Why is that? Because I'm lazy, and I'm a people pleaser. Growing up in a small town and going to a small school my abilities stuck out as special. I have never tried out for anything that I wasn't sure I would get. I have never had to work at drama ever in my life, it comes naturally for me. Now, I live in a big city and I'm just one face in a very big crowd. I no longer stand out. The people pleaser in me doesn't do rejection and so, if there was even a chance that I wouldn't get something I didn't try.

Before I left for the audition my little girl asked me, "Mommy, what's going to happen if you don't get the part?" My response was, "honey, if that happens than I'll try again next time." And I meant it. On the way to my audition I asked God to calm my nerves (it's the only that helps me). I felt confident in my ability to read the scene they had given us and I reminded myself to have fun.

When I got to the theatre they came out and told me that they weren't going to use the scene they'd given us all, they were going to use something new instead. We had less than 3 minutes to read through it and get comfortable. AGH!!!!! Once again I asked God to calm my nerves and preceded to try to read through and grasp the new scene as quickly as I could. To my shock and absolute horror there were swear words in this scene. Swear words that I was going to have to read in front of people who didn't know me. Not just everyday swear words either, these were words that I have only heard in movies.

I went in and read the part. I made them laugh, not because I was silly, but because the scene was intended to make people laugh. I felt good, I had fun, and I went home with the best high I've had in years. I couldn't stop blushing for half an hour at the words that came out of my own mouth.

I didn't get a callback. And, honestly I was disappointed, but like I told my little girl, I'll just have to try again. It's all part of being a little fish in a very big pond.